When Joenil Cofreros was younger, being generous to friends felt natural. Coming from a lower-middle-class family, he knew what it was like to not have enough. So when he got older and started earning well, lending money to a struggling friend felt like the right thing to do.
But after a few painful experiences, he realized that good intentions could lead to awkward moments, strained relationships, and unnecessary financial stress.
“I think there have been times when I shared because, as a friend, I just didn’t want to say no,” Cofreros told Financial Adviser PH in an interview. “But having been burned before, this is something I rarely do now. Whenever I do lend money, I do it very judiciously.”
The Hard Truth About Lending to Friends
Lending money to people close to us is emotionally complicated. You want to help, but when repayment doesn’t happen, it can lead to resentment. Cofreros learned this the hard way.
“There’s nothing more uncomfortable than asking a friend to pay you back,” he said. “And unfortunately, many people don’t set clear terms when lending to friends. That creates confusion and, often, disappointment.”
His biggest takeaway? Lending money should never come at the cost of your peace of mind or personal boundaries.
Why He Changed His Approach
Joenil didn’t just stop lending cold turkey. He changed his approach entirely.
“Nowadays, there are many lending options available. So instead of putting myself in a tricky situation, I point them to those professional avenues. Banks, lending apps, and formal microfinance institutions are better equipped to handle this.”
He also took the time to educate himself and others. Becoming a Registered Financial Planner helped him realize that many people don’t need a handout—they need financial education and support systems.
What He Does Instead
Offer Financial Education: Instead of lending, Cofreros offers guidance. He helps friends understand the pros and cons of debt, how to budget better, and even how to raise emergency funds.
Give, Don’t Lend (If You Can Afford It): “If it’s someone I truly care about and I can afford to help, I give the money as a gift with no expectation of repayment. That way, there are no strings attached.”
Set Clear Boundaries: If someone insists on borrowing, he makes sure expectations are crystal clear. “If I do lend, it’s written down, there’s a timeline, and we both sign it. It keeps everything clean and professional.”
Empower Through Alternatives: He refers friends to government lending programs, employee co-ops, or even low-interest community loans—any option that doesn’t put their relationship at risk.
Lessons from Painful Experiences
Cofreros shared one personal story of lending money to a close friend who never paid it back.
“It started with a small amount, then became bigger,” he recalled. “I didn’t want to confront him because I valued the friendship. But eventually, we both started avoiding each other. That friendship quietly ended because of unpaid debt.”
From then on, he set a rule for himself: money should never come between relationships.
Why This Matters for Your Financial Health
While it may feel cold or transactional to say no to a friend in need, Cofreros insists that boundaries are essential—both for your financial goals and your emotional well-being.
“If lending becomes a burden or creates anxiety, it’s not worth it,” he said. “I’ve had times when I was queuing at the grocery store and worried if my card would work. Financial stress affects everything, including how we show up for others.”
For him, smart money management includes protecting your mental space.
Final Thoughts
Lending money to friends and family is a personal decision, but it shouldn’t be made lightly. As Cofreros shows, there are better ways to help without risking your finances or relationships.
His experience teaches us a powerful lesson: it’s okay to say no—especially if you’re saying yes to a better, more responsible way to support the people you care about.
