For many Filipinos, the hardest money decision is not whether to save, invest, or spend—it is whether to say no to family.
When a relative asks for financial help, the instinct is almost automatic. We want to help. We feel obligated. And more often than not, we say yes even when it puts our own finances at risk. According to Registered Financial Planner Janice Sabitsana, this pattern is one of the most common—and most damaging—money habits she sees among Filipino families.
“Most people don’t realize that their money decisions are emotional, not logical,” Sabitsana says. “When a family member asks for help, we respond immediately because we feel guilty. We don’t stop to check our budget, our savings, or our long-term plans. We just want the uncomfortable feeling to go away.”
Sabitsana says this guilt-driven response explains why many Filipinos struggle to build lasting financial security, even when their income improves over time.
When Helping Becomes Harmful
In her work as a financial planner, Sabitsana often meets clients who earn well on paper but live with constant financial anxiety.
“I’ve worked with professionals and OFWs who are earning more than they ever have, but they still feel broke,” she explains. “When we break down their cash flow, we see that a big portion of their money is going to family assistance—help that was never planned, never budgeted, and never limited.”
The problem, she says, is not generosity itself. It is the absence of structure.
“Helping family is not wrong. But helping without boundaries is what gets people into trouble. When you give based on guilt, you usually give more than you can afford and you do it repeatedly.”
Over time, these decisions quietly erode financial stability. Emergency funds get depleted. Insurance premiums are skipped. Retirement savings are postponed indefinitely.
“People don’t notice the damage right away,” Sabitsana says. “But eventually, one unexpected expense—a medical bill, a job loss—exposes how fragile their finances really are.”
Why Guilt Has So Much Power
Sabitsana believes the pressure to help is deeply rooted in Filipino culture.
“Many Filipinos grow up believing that being a good son, daughter, or sibling means always being available financially,” she says. “If you are the one earning more, there is this silent expectation that you will always step in.”
That expectation, she adds, often goes unquestioned.
“No one asks if the person helping is protected. No one checks if they have savings, insurance, or a plan for the future. Everyone assumes they will just figure it out.”
This mindset can turn breadwinners into permanent safety nets, leaving them vulnerable and exhausted.
“I hear clients say, ‘I’m tired, but I can’t stop helping.’ That’s usually a sign that guilt has taken over their financial decision-making.”
Why Guilt Is Not a Strategy
According to Sabitsana, guilt may feel like compassion, but it is not a financial plan.
“A financial plan is intentional. It considers today, tomorrow, and the future. Guilt only focuses on the moment,” she explains. “It asks, ‘How do I stop feeling bad right now?’ instead of ‘What is sustainable for me and my family?’”
She says this short-term thinking often leads to long-term consequences.
“When you sacrifice your own financial foundation, you are not just hurting yourself. You are increasing the chance that you will eventually become someone who needs help too.”
A Different Way to Think About Responsibility
Sabitsana encourages Filipinos to redefine what it means to be responsible.
“Being responsible does not mean saying yes to every request. It means making sure you are financially stable enough to help without hurting yourself.”
She often explains this using the airplane oxygen mask analogy.
“On a plane, you are told to put your own oxygen mask on first. That’s not selfish—it’s practical. You can’t help anyone if you collapse. Financially, it’s the same idea.”
According to her, securing one’s own financial “oxygen mask” should come first.
“Before helping anyone, you should have an emergency fund, proper insurance, and a clear budget. When those are in place, you can help with confidence instead of fear.”
Learning to Pause Before Saying Yes
Breaking the habit of guilt-based giving starts with a pause, Sabitsana says.
“Before agreeing to help, stop and ask yourself: Can I afford this without touching my emergency fund? Will this affect my insurance or long-term savings? If something happens to me tomorrow, who will take care of my family?”
These questions, she admits, are uncomfortable—but necessary.
“Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. Sometimes, saying no means you care enough to protect your future.”
Ultimately, Sabitsana believes that removing guilt from money decisions leads to healthier families.
“When people stop using guilt as their guide, they start making intentional choices. And intentional choices are what allow families to become financially stronger—not just for one person, but for the next generation as well.”
